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Keep your hopes high and your expectations low.

Reasons I will Never Be Thin Part 1

Mac & Cheese. We had lunch at Balans  and then went to see Hitchcock which was a pretty good movie actually. Its not very warm today.

Lunch

Yes I am eating carbohydrates this week. I am obsessed by these black bagels called Pumpernickel they have some funky herb in them like Rye bread. You could probably get them in London in St John's Wood or somewhere. I will walk the length of the beach to burn it off. The pleasure pleasure principle.

London Calling

Soon I will return to my real life of puppies and macaroons ....

Shot By Both Sides

Well I was taking my life in my hands hitting the beach this afternoon. Dangerous Cross Currents and Jellies. Still I gritted my teeth and lay down my towel. Only 3 days of sunshine left can't waste time worrying.

Brunch

Wholefood's Tofu salad from the serve yourself salad bar. I am using the following recipe which is so good I might try and recreate it at home.

• Lots of mixed leaf salad
• Some young spinach
• Bit of sweet corn
• Few Chick Peas
• Spoon of Tabouleh
• Corinader
• Olives
• 4 cubes of tofu
• Tahini dressing

The Song Remains The Same

Sun & Salad - that's it ...

Indulgence

For dinner I had peanut butter and chocolate shake and cheese fries. I can safely say the South Beach Diet was a huge fail today. Who cares?

It's April

Another Blue Sky day. I love reading the monthly horoscopes that are published on the first day of the month. Actually when I am on holiday I am not as addicted to my daily horoscopes. At home I sit up in bed with coffee and my dog and read about 4 versions of the days possibilities before I dare put a toe out from under the duvet. I think I just feel more vulnerable at home, engaging in work, responsibilities and other people introduces a sense of the variable that I am not all that comfortable with. Here in Miami, there is nothing but me, Richard came for one night but really I don't have to deal with anyone or anything and that is really nice for a couple of weeks.

Lunch At Lime

I had my favourite Taco Salad at Lime for lunch. Actually they forgot the taco strips but I just assumed that was God doing for me what I could not do for myself so I left it. In America they chop up salad really small, it works really well. In England we smear ourselves with mayonnaise and generally look like Ermintrude from Magic Roundabout when we are trying to eat lettuce, it is not dignified. Chopped salad is the way forward.

Morning Has Broken

I love Richards building, its like a 1940's condo and the walkways remind me of The Bates Motel. The first night I feel asleep after travelling I woke in the middle of the night. I had this immense swirling feeling inside, I didn't know where I was. It was as though my body were doing a whirling reset to align me with a new part of the planet. I guess like when on your phone you press the 'get location' setting on google maps. I am reminded of the saying in AA, first you bring your Body, then your Mind arrives and lastly your Spirit joins you. Last night I fell asleep at 10 and I awoke this morning at 6.30 am. It is so peaceful here I can feel my shoulders beginning to relax in a rather sunburnt base tan kind of a way.

Straight To You

At the airport I access a Eugenist aspect. Despising anyone or anything that gets in my way or slows my transit.  My anxiety turns further to hate, fellow passengers, delays boarding, disgusting food that I have to eat as I am so hungry. I am registering as a Vegan on the flight home. B A do the worst vegetarian food ever – hideous pasta in cream sauce, some crazy bean salad in more sauce and sleezy lemon mouse. Probably a weeks worth of fat with no pleasure at all. Not my kind of an investment frankly. There are no good films on the plane, I watched A Dangerous Method, quite bizarre how a film built around so many good reference points, Jung, Freud, Cronenberg and Sadomasochism could end up being so dreary. A contributing factor though was Kiera Knightly - not a sexy woman at all and the other bloke was way hotter in Shame.  Instead I find myself listening to Kate Bush’s last album thinking she could have quit whilst she was ahead. Plenty of turbulence along the way and I have to shut the window screen because when I look down all I can see is Canada. I did not escape Lancashire to die in Canada – this is definitely not happening. 

Breakfast

I ate fruit salad bought from Publix sitting on a bench outside the store.

Turn around brighteyes ......

As I was laying around contemplating my own demise...........I remembered that there is another eclipse on Friday. Hurray that means I am not really loosing my grip, it means that I am experiencing a melancolic response to related energy build up. It can be hard to be so  mad sensitive at times. At least I had the good sense to look at my horoscope sites and get a reminder about what is going on. I am excited as my life is totally on the up after Friday. All the love, money and opportunities I could ever need are in the post.

Breakfast

Yes popcorn! That well known protein based whole food snack. I met Ryan at the 10.30 AA meeting and we ended up walking back to Lincoln Road mall and seeing a movie together called Buck. The film was a very gentle inspiring tale about an abused child who ended up teaching people how to handle horses. His story contributed to the Paul Newman character in The Horse Whisperer. It was all about kindness and compassion being  more effective ways to induce changes in behavoir than brute force and cruelty. Lets all keep that in mind for the rest of the day.

Lead us not into temptation

Things I want to eat but not yet include.

• Cheese Fries from Shake Shack
• German Chocolate Cake from Ice Box

That's it actually I would maybe like a bagel as well. Have I mentioned (complained) that they close a lot of the AA meetings here with The Lords Prayer. I hate that prayer I refuse to utter a word of it. It reminds me of school assembly's which always made me nervous as I was a persistent offender in terms of non compliance with uniform. I was normally trying to avoid the head mistress who took particulary offense to my dyed hair, makeup and stilleto heels. God knows someone needed to inject a little glamour into the proceedings she activley thought otherwise unfortunatley. I eventually got expelled for grabbing her by the throat one time after she pulled me out of a class for some dress code crime she had spotted. She is long dead now of course and here I am in Miami wearing what the fuck I want.

I'm excited

Soon, Richard will be here.