Packed Lunch

For lunch I got a sandwich from the Sandwicheria on 14th Street / Collins. Best sandwiches in Miami. French staff so very brisk rude service, long queues but worth it. This a Swiss Cheese with salad on croissant (extra 75 cents) I ate it on the beach. Divine.

That better not be a rain cloud

All I have to do is get myself stuck in a contained environment with a whole lot of other people and I become entirely eugenicist if not xenophobic.  I am writing this on BA209 London to Miami. The food they have the audacity to serve wouldn’t get handed out in Dade County. Most of the other passengers are elderly, infirm or unwashed with an uncanny ability to produce mucous.  The lengths I have to go to in order to escape the British winter. There were 20 wheel chairs and assistants waiting for plane in Miami. I am not joking when I tell you I was one of the few people able to leave the plane totally unassisted. I guess people come here to die ,which is appealing enough but can they not just settle down and await their fate? 

Whole Food

Another lunch at Wholefood's.  I had a really good conversation with Ryan about how insane it is to be super irritated by other people. I confessed that all the people stealing in Wholefood's drive me crazy. The store is just full of people 'grazing' i.e eating as much food as possible from the loose foods and serve your self bars.

Secrets & Lies

Yesterday after my morning shower I realised that I had not packed my deodorant. I could not remember if you are allowed to put aerosols in checked luggage or not. I know that you cannot pack gas containers but I am not clear on what constitutes a gas container. Anyway in the end I just forgot so I looked through Richards bathroom cabinet for something to borrow in the meantime. I found this hippy shit Tom's stick and gave it a go. It promises the earth, oder absorbing hops (isn't that for beer?) and zinc salt. What utter rubbish by 11 am my armpits actually had BO. I went to CVS with Ryan and bought a Wild Freesia (although it smells like floral loo cleaner actually) Lady Speed Stick for $2 with Ryan's discount store card. It works, I don't smell and my clothes do not need washing halfway through the day.

I Hear The Click Clack Of Your Feet On The Floor

I have a Stray Cat here in Miami. I may have 2 actually, one has a damaged ear and the other ones ears are perfect. I think of them as one and the same creature. I brought along a box of Go Cat from England which they are loving. South Beach is full of stray cats actually, very beautiful ones, Persians, Siamese and all sorts of regular tabbies and blacks. The climate supports them, they do not appear to suffer, plenty of people feed them, they know how to work the system. Even the homeless people around here seem to be better off than their UK counterparts. Not to minimise the broader issues of homelessness of course but I see little groups of vagrant people siting around a laptop plugged into the wiring of a lamppost on Lincoln it looks decided less miserable than the same experience back home.

Pretty on the inside

One thing I noticed in American pharmacies that I have never seen at home are entire shelf area's dedicated to Douche products and a arsenal of sister products designed to help you keep your vagina (or whatever you are using instead of one) fresh.  I am not sure why regular bathing is not considered proactive enough to keep body odours at bay.

Anyway I thought I would make a couple of purchases and give them a try. I read the instructions on the Douche pack for a pussy that smells like an Ocean Breeze All you have to do is open one of the two disposable soft bottles, attach nozzle (those familiar with home hair dye will be good at this) insert and squirt the contents, (which smell like fucking Harpic by the way) into your vagina. What stopped me having a go was that it didn't say anything about how one would go about getting it out. I assume they think nature and gravity (gods ugly little twins) will take over at that point but since its getting late and I don't want to be up all night mopping bathroom cleaner off my thighs I thought I would delay the pleasure until another time.

What lies beneath

Another reason I am so concerned about, well the only two things I am concerned about, my tan and my weight is that I got some new underwear and I want to look good in it. It's so pretty - actually greener than it looks here. I got it from Gap - I don't think I have shopped in Gap at home for years but here they have a fantastic lingerie section. I remember looking around Coco La Mere with Bob when we were going to get coffee at Monmouth Street. I was picking up expensive pants and stuff commenting on how pretty and expensive they were.

Why would you consider paying £50 for a pair of knickers? Have you ever had sex with a man who took any notice of the kind of knickers you were wearing? The answer is no actually at no point ever in living memory (although there are a few years that I can't account for) has any man ever stopped at the first hurdle and said ' great pants by the way' and yet I would rather die than show up in a non matching bra and knickers set. Conditioned from childhood to associate wearing good underwear with survival of road traffic accidents and avoidance of  embarrasment  if one accidentally ends up having sex with someone on the way back from Tesco.

State Of Independence

We spent the evening in a parking lot on Alton Road watching the July 4th Fireworks.

It was a really clean car park - no condoms or smell of gasoline

Breakfast

I ate fruit salad bought from Publix sitting on a bench outside the store.

Jiggety Jig

Soooo good to be in Miami again. The line for imigration was really long, probably the worse part of the journey which was over all pretty dreary anyway. The thing with entering the US is that there is always the slight chance that they won't let you in. I complete the online ESTA application of course (lying through teeth in all the key places) but you never know. Homeland Security at Miami is pretty freindly compared to New York where they make you feel like you are on Interpols most wanted list every time.

I got the bus from the airport to South Beach. My number one achievement last time I was here was figuring out how to get the airport bus and save myself $35. So far that bit of ingenuity has saved me $70 so I am pretty pleased with myself.

Bubbles

I went back to the laundromatt today to do a black and coloured wash. I like it in there now I know how to use it. What struck me today was how cheap it is to use. Laundry Powder $2.25 (enough for 4 washes) Fabric Softener $1.25 (enough for 4 washes) Washing Mashine $1.75 Dryer  $0.50 (25c for 7 minutes) Total $5.75 which is about £4.

When my washing machine broke down (so did I, it was so stressful) I went to the local launderette and it was going to cost £10.00 just to use a washing machine. The whole thing would have cost £20.00. I couldn't bring myself to pay it, I got back on the phone to John Lewis and screamed until they sent me a new one.