Things I Miss About London Part 1

The Rain
The Cold 
Stella
Macaroons

Openminded & Experimental

It's amazing how quickly one can adapt to luxury. Tonight I was invited for dinner in this amazing apartment on the same island as The Standard Hotel. I love this chair it would bring the ceiling down if I put one up in my flat at home.

London Calling

Soon I will return to my real life of puppies and macaroons ....

It's A Sweet Thing

Haagen Dazs has two new flavours. Coconut & Pineapple and Salted Caramel & Truffle.
Disturbingly good. Before my family imploded in the 1970's my Grandmother used to have Pineapple ice cream. It came in a can, I think from a cash & carry type place. It was amazing, one of my happiest memories.

Before You Know It You Will Be Half Way There

I am exactly halfway through this trip. I hope the dog remembers me when I get home. I love it here but I ended up being here for about a week longer than I wanted to be because the cost of Easter travel was so high that I needed to avoid the whole period. Anyway when I look the weather at home I am not in such a rush to return.

It's April

Another Blue Sky day. I love reading the monthly horoscopes that are published on the first day of the month. Actually when I am on holiday I am not as addicted to my daily horoscopes. At home I sit up in bed with coffee and my dog and read about 4 versions of the days possibilities before I dare put a toe out from under the duvet. I think I just feel more vulnerable at home, engaging in work, responsibilities and other people introduces a sense of the variable that I am not all that comfortable with. Here in Miami, there is nothing but me, Richard came for one night but really I don't have to deal with anyone or anything and that is really nice for a couple of weeks.

Morning Has Broken

I love Richards building, its like a 1940's condo and the walkways remind me of The Bates Motel. The first night I feel asleep after travelling I woke in the middle of the night. I had this immense swirling feeling inside, I didn't know where I was. It was as though my body were doing a whirling reset to align me with a new part of the planet. I guess like when on your phone you press the 'get location' setting on google maps. I am reminded of the saying in AA, first you bring your Body, then your Mind arrives and lastly your Spirit joins you. Last night I fell asleep at 10 and I awoke this morning at 6.30 am. It is so peaceful here I can feel my shoulders beginning to relax in a rather sunburnt base tan kind of a way.

Straight To You

At the airport I access a Eugenist aspect. Despising anyone or anything that gets in my way or slows my transit.  My anxiety turns further to hate, fellow passengers, delays boarding, disgusting food that I have to eat as I am so hungry. I am registering as a Vegan on the flight home. B A do the worst vegetarian food ever – hideous pasta in cream sauce, some crazy bean salad in more sauce and sleezy lemon mouse. Probably a weeks worth of fat with no pleasure at all. Not my kind of an investment frankly. There are no good films on the plane, I watched A Dangerous Method, quite bizarre how a film built around so many good reference points, Jung, Freud, Cronenberg and Sadomasochism could end up being so dreary. A contributing factor though was Kiera Knightly - not a sexy woman at all and the other bloke was way hotter in Shame.  Instead I find myself listening to Kate Bush’s last album thinking she could have quit whilst she was ahead. Plenty of turbulence along the way and I have to shut the window screen because when I look down all I can see is Canada. I did not escape Lancashire to die in Canada – this is definitely not happening. 

Home

Flew home to London on Sunday morning. Flight fairly dreary but not as dreary as arriving back at Heathrow to find Picadilly Line not working. Had to get 'bus replacement service' ( 3 words I have come to dread) to Hammersmith to rejoin the line and get home. Still I was offered lots of help with my bags on along the way so I obviously looked really old or really frail. Excellent.
Posting back on http://poisoniris.blogspot.com/

Let me put my arms around your head

I stayed home most of the afternoon, listening to Aladin Sane, meditating (not my strong point) and reading books. I remember lying in a bath that I made red with my own blood listening to Lady Grinning Soul when I was about 16 years old. I remember my mother not being able to cope, I remember not doing too well myself! I didn't listen to the album for about 20 years, I was afraid of it, as if the sound of the songs could flush me back into madness (or at least a more aggresive manifestation) like running water can flush a spider down a drain.

A Ghost In My Own Life

I feel like I don't exist today. I am not sure what the point is I am not sure that there is one. I feel along way from home and everything that matters. If I changed my ticket and came to London I would regret it I am sure and so I won't. Some days are just empty no matter where you are. Rachel and I were talking about lonliness yesterday. It's odd how I can be alone for days and not feel it at all and yet other times I can be doing all the right things and it washes over me in waves.  I read in a Leonard Cohen poem from The Book Of Mercy about how it is God's call to us all.

"Blessed are you who has given each man a shield of loneliness so that he cannot forget you. You are the truth of loneliness that I may be healed in your name, which is beyond all consolations that are uttered on this earth."

I miss ....

My friends, but Thank God I have my Blackberry with me. I am 5 hours behind London so what is nice to wake up and find emails from my friends waiting for me.

I miss .......

My dog.