Alone With The Alone

I stayed home last night. I did change my clothes and get ready to leave the apartment but in the end as in the beginning I sat back on the stool and continued my reading. My book is called Alone With The Alone (how apt) by Henry Corbin it is about Sufi Prayer and 'Mundus Imaginalis'. In short it is about accessing the God who is beyond and within, not a particularly easy thing to do apparently. Anyway I became aware of the term 'theopathy' which means when we turn 'man into God' I had to laugh at that point since most people I know have had a run in with that concept.

Openminded & Experimental

It's amazing how quickly one can adapt to luxury. Tonight I was invited for dinner in this amazing apartment on the same island as The Standard Hotel. I love this chair it would bring the ceiling down if I put one up in my flat at home.

Last Night

Last sleep in Miami. I am sad to leave the sunshine and my little routines.

Coconut & Baci Ice Cream

Diet is a joke. Self Acceptance is the key. Even harder than dieting unfortunately.

Wild Life Photographer Of The Year

This is the hardest shot of all. A tiny lizard, there are loads of them but they move very fast and do not like to pose for pictures.

Stray Cat doesn't mind at all. Here she (actually) is posing sleeping in the flower bed.

Day trippers

Ryan came to get me and took me to a meeting in Miami city. Its a beautiful drive accross the MacArthur causeway. He showed me all the private islands where all the Miami celebrities live except JLo who is apparently on Alton Road.

I love city scapes although I prefer to be in South Beach where it is so much more chilled out.

Ryan was talking about the time when all the people from Cuba who wanted to come to the US were allowed to. He showed me the parking lots where they were once held in camps while they were processed. He said the Che took the opportunity to off load as many of his criminals onto the US as he could fit on a boat. Brilliant.

Love on the rocks

I love being by the ocean. South Beach faces East so when I look to the horizon I feel that I could eventually see England. Each day I lay on the beach around 16th Street for an hour each side. I am still timing my tan to Pulp, A Different Class since its one of the few albums I can stand to listen to twice in a row (front and back). I have really burnt my back though I think I am just not as adept at getting the sun protection on very well although it is a spray so it should work.

I walk up to South Point every day for the exercise as much as anything else. It is lovley though as it is the point where the ocean meets Biscayne Bay and you can see downtown Miami rising from the bay shore.

Miraculously Ryan appeared out of nowhere as I was photographing the view. He was meeting people from the Sobe rooms on the beach so I joined him down on the sand for a while. We were talking about our experiences of poor customer service. The conversation went on to employment as neither Ryan or I are currently employed at the moment. I was talking about financial insecurity which on the one hand I have and yet on the other my experience is that it doesn't bother me. This is my 3rd holiday in Miami this year and its only June so despite the 'no visible means of support' I am having this amazing life. Of course it occured to me shortly after that the reason I can do all this without so much as a scent of a work ethic is because Richard has such a ferocious approach to work, ambition and so on. I mean it's definitely a case of 'its not what you do its who you know. ' I have been terribly blessed like that. I don't have a family except the boy I made for myself but I do have the most amazing friends.

Ryan was telling me all about the fireworks that we will be able to see on Independence Day next week. I am excited watching fireworks from Miami Beach will be much better than watching them in the cold and the rain on Primrose Hill.

Three and a half hours later

It's Official ! I am an insomniac. Hurray, yet another manifestation of the primary condition that brought to me, addiction, depression, obsession, destitution, codependence, mania, madness, total moral breakdown and bankruptcy in a multitude of forms. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Restless

'How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack. I might try busting myself smartly over the temple with the nightlight.'
Dorothy Parker

2.30 and I can't sleep. It's only 7.30 at home so no one I could talk to is awake yet. Besides I really don't want to run up my phone bill calling home. Anyway I don't want to talk to someone I want to be asleep.

Restless

Despite not sleeping well the night before and walking miles along the coastline, last night it still took me hours to get to sleep. The moments that pass between hopping into bed and falling asleep are some of my most vulnerable. It is during this period that I am most likely to deconstruct my entire life and find it to be seriously lacking. I am not one of those people who wakes up sad, although I have suffered from bouts of depression when that was the case. These days I wake up tired and desperate for coffee and once the coffee kicks in I am happy and ready to go.
I began to reread Your Voice In My Head by Emma Forrest. It a story of her life and how she overcame self harm, bulimia and unfortunate choices of boyfriend with the help of a therapist Dr R who then died. She is a lovley writer. I read a few chapters from her book and managed to fall asleep. I dreamt of coffee and Peter Saville who I really like.

I really wanna see you

I am listening to My Sweet Lord by George Harrison. It reminds me of being in my friends Jess's car driving through Knightsbridge. She says that George is The Beatle she would have most liked to marry. I think I would have married John Lennon had he asked.  

Peace will come, let it begin with me

I love sleep. My life has a tendancy to fall apart when I am awake.
Ernest Hemmingway

Saying that it took me ages to fall asleep last night .............

Saw you stretched out in room 109 with a smile on your face and terror in your eyes

By the time I fell into bed I had been awake 30 hours straight. The trip was effortless. You know those days the world falls ahead of your feet like a carpet that has being rolled out  before you, like God knew you were coming. I dragged my suitcase down to the tube platform at Leicester Square the Terminal 5 train was sitting on the platform. I sat down and a really interesting man, an American academic sat opposite me and talked to me all the way to Heathrow. Got to Heathrow, no having to wait in line, straight to bag check, straight through security. Decided to eat something healthy before I lost the power of choice on the aircraft. Wandered into Giraffe cafe and met a couple of people I know, Tobais and Toby Motts brother who's name I can't remember.  Ate lunch talking to them, they were off to a sking holiday and making a short film about their trip.

Got through to the Gate and sat next to a little chirpy sparrow, really cute and happy, buzzing about, singing his head off sitting right by all the passengers.

The only spare seat in coach was between me and the guy who had the aisle seat in my row! Got my disgusting food first as I am a vegetarian. Tried not to eat it as it always hideous. Watched about four movies during the journey. One pretty dumb one with Drew Barrymore and another called The American with George Clooney who I fucking LOVE. It was a wonderful movie directed by Anton Corbin who is a genius.