Loosing My Religion

I am flying home on BA via Boston today. I took a connecting flight to save £100. Its done now but I wish I hadn't. I can't check in on line as I keep being redirected to the AA website as part of the journey is operated by them. Very annoying. Also I realised that I have to change terminal at Boston by waiting for a bus and its -3 degrees up there. I don't like the idea of having to collect my suitcase and re check in, I am afraid of long lines and being late. It will probably be fine, I mean millions of people do this everyday successfully, why not me?  Next time I am just sticking to direct flights I like the simplicity.

Paradise Lost

I can feel peace and goodwill slipping away as I prepare to return to London. I love London, my friends and my dog but the thought of the city is exhausting. I am worried about everything including

• what am I going to do with my life
• how am I going to make money 
• how will I manage to decorate my flat
• when can I come back to Miami
• will everything go ok with the connecting flight in Boston

I don't want the holiday to end. I want my whole life to be a holiday. 

Bagel, Sliced & Grilled

I took my hatred across the road to the bagel shop to appease it with some carbohydrates. I had the most divine Pumpernickel toasted bagel with cream cheese. I think Pumpernickel might be the same thing as Rye. It is the same colour and tastes of caraway seeds. I really like it. I spotted a crazy woman with really bad surgery - like a cut / paste/ stretch and flat iron job. One of the true wonders of American tourism is these chance sightings of really messy facelifts. They are actually more and more rare as the owners are dying out of old age and surgery has come on quite a bit since the 1970's. While it is on one level a human tragedy I can't help but wonder how bad the person looked in the first place if the abomination before me is the 'improvement'.

Snatching failure from the jaws of success

I ate fruit and salad all day yesterday. I was really pleased, then in Publix I felt compelled to buy a bag of peanut M&M's. What's wrong with me? Why am I so fundamentally weak? I might never be thin. Fuck.

Blood running down the inside of her legs

Well actually beetroot juice. I had beetroot, celery, carrot and ginger juice this morning from The Apple A Day wholefood store on Alton Road. It was really pretty sickening so it must be healthy. Service was ultra slow as befits the type of healthfood operation where the staff are too bloody zen to jump to it. Charlie tells me this is his favourite place in Miami, I prefer the office in Soho Square although they hardly excell themselves when it comes to snappy service.

Let it bleed

Things I am worried about today

1.   Being fat
2.   Going home in 7 days, one more week to go so better start stressing now
3.   Using cash point in US, feel certain that machine will fail to respond to my UK card and eat it
4.   Having to get new job when I get home
5.   Having to complete obligations to current job when I get home
6.   The state the flat will be in
7.   Being a terrible writer
8.   Being old
9.   The future, if indeed I have one which seems unlikely
10. Money - not for now but for when it runs out

The Pagan North

I am exhausted today due to well documented lack of sleep. Its a good job I am 4500 thousand miles away from most of the people I love, intend to love or don't love much because I could really do some damage this afternoon. I suppose I could launch some E- Missiles but I might just drag myself out for a walk instead.

I set myself the goal of walking along the seashore to the most Northerly point of the beach. I have already walked to the Southern point.

Pagan altars are set up in North, the Western Hermetic Tradition in which I dabble in sets altars up in the East.

Where the sun comes up tomorrow it will not go down today.

Snack

I am trying to eat alkaline foods today to neutralise the acid running through my veins.

Trying to read

Laying on the bed trying to read this stupid book. Richard said I should read it, that it's brilliant but I can't bacause its so badly written. Keith is brilliant guitar player, facinating drug addict but the most appauling writer. I have had to stop listening to Exile On Main Street as I keep replaying a really sad love song and its dragging me down.