Perspective

Lazy day on the beach. Now trying to decide between two movies, Gatsby or Scatter My Ashes At Bergdorf Goodman....  I mean I will see both but which one first ? 

Paradise Lost

I can feel peace and goodwill slipping away as I prepare to return to London. I love London, my friends and my dog but the thought of the city is exhausting. I am worried about everything including

• what am I going to do with my life
• how am I going to make money 
• how will I manage to decorate my flat
• when can I come back to Miami
• will everything go ok with the connecting flight in Boston

I don't want the holiday to end. I want my whole life to be a holiday. 

Tell Me Some Lies

I have my favourite American product in the fridge, Indian River Grapefruit Juice. This product used to make all kind of claims about weight loss on the label, hence me buying it. Now it doesn't do that but it says things like 'Gluten Free' and 'No Animal Fat' which is bizarre because that really ought to be the basic minimum qualification for a citrus fruit. Since when (even in America) did any one create hybrid Grapefruit made from wheat and meat products?

A A Related Announcements

Secretary : 'Would you (me) like to close the meeting using The Lords Prayer?'
Me 'No'

Nature

I had my salad for lunch as usual and a healthy  peanut butter, almond milk & banana shake for breakfast.
This morning I past a dead lizard in the street it broke my heart. I can't stand to see things like that although I know a bird or cat will eat it and the cycle of nature continues. I fed a sparrow and a pigeon some sweetcorn from my lunch which makes me so happy. Stray Cat had another can of Tuna for lunch so she is content as well.

Friday 13th

Every month that begins with a Sunday will have a Friday 13th!
Who knew?
I have just read that the superstition around todays day & date may be as a result of the capture and execution of hundreds of The Knights Templars on Friday 13th October 1307 in France.
It is raining here which is very unlucky, it is also raining in London which is very ordinary.

Here She Comes Again

Woken up at 6am by the rain. It falls heavily on the flat roof, the cool air is strangely disturbing and I am anxious about things I cannot control. I didn't sleep well last night either, full moon tomorrow so probably something to do with that. If it rains all day (and it won't) I can

• clean the flat (only needs doing once a week unlike London - once a day)
• begin writing best seller
• mark some student work from the online submission centre
• send controlling emails to London 
• bring forward food amnesty day and get cheese fries & Reeces Pieces shake

For The Music Is Lethal

I am so pale, I had coffee with Ryan this morning and we discussed my tanning strategy. Why I would discuss risk factors with someone who sky dives for fun is another issue altogether. He said I should avoid the sun from 1 - 3, I thought I should do 2 hours 2 - 4. I don't have a clock or phone in my bag so I time my tan listening to tracks on my iPod, this has the added advantage of blocking out the unbearable sound of other people.  I estimate that I did 90 minutes between 2 and 3.30. I think if I do an extra 30 minutes each day I can build up to brown over the next few weeks. My friend Jess is doing a project about replacing chemical products with safer alternatives. She asked me to name the ones I could not do without. Right now Clarins Sun Oil SPF 15 is one. Clarin's Gentle Foaming Cleanser and Clarin's Daily Energiser Lotion SPF 15. The thing I don't understand about SPF's is this, if a product is factor 15 then I understand that it means that you can be in the sun 15 times longer without burning. If you then reapply your product - do you get another '15 times longer' or is it a once a day thing?

About Last Night

We went to the movies last night to see Hannah by Joe Wright. There is a huge multi-screen just on the corner of Lincoln Road. The movie was great actually but the best thing is that it costs just $10 to see a film. So inexpensive in comparison to London. Its about £16 to see a movie in Leicester Square which is way too much.

The photos are totally not relevant to the words by the way. I was taking pictures of the flowers in the supermarket while Richard was paying for milk. So at the cinema there was a weighing machine and I actually dared get on it. It gave me my weight 128 lbs which means I have lost 7 lbs since I got here on the photography diet - hurray. It also gave me the lottery numbers which I couldn't write down as I didn't have pen (there goes my only hope of financial security) and a fortune telling prediction ' Look after your health' which is little down to earth for my taste. I ate cheese fries at the Shake Shack.

Richard said I should loose 10 more lbs. He is a model agent which seriously affects his perspective on these things. He can fuck off any way. I want to loose 3lbs only so that I can weigh 125lbs because I prefer numbers that are easily divisable by 100.

It's funny being around gay men, like being naked on the beach with them because I always feel like they are body facists and its totally my stuff since Richard always says I look great even when I don't. He works with such beautiful women though I imagine it must be dreadful to see a normal one after that.

I love Richard - we had a really interesting conversation about anal versus vaginal sex this morning. I totally forgot that he had ever slept with women. Very revealing - straight men don't tell you much about that stuff.

Why am I here?

To be honest when you wake up in Paradise, walk out on the the patio, feel the 80% heat and see the palm trees you do not ask your self. Why am I here?

You ask yourself;

1. Where is the nearest Starbucks?
2. Can I go dressed like this ?

But in answer to the question.

1. My friend Richard bought an apartment in South Beach last summer. Actually I was with him at the time and I helped him choose it.

2. He said I could stay here anytime I liked
3. I believed him
4. My contract at work finished and so I am, depending on how you look at it.
A) Unemployed and in no position to be taking holidays
B) As free as a bird
5. I bought a ticket for £613 which was a pretty good price given the upcoming Easter Holiday, Passover and Spring Break rush
6. I do what I want and I want what I have