Reverse Psychology

AA Related Announcements

'I am going to make a list of all the attitudes and short comings that did not serve me this year and I don't want to take into the next' How totally inspiring: I of course make a list of all the stuff I want,to be thin, brown, rich, get laid a lot, write a book, decorate flat, have a laugh, advance spiritually.
Yet its also good to remind myself of all the things I am grateful for, my friends, son, dog, flat, London, job, sobriety and sense of humour. Good idea though to think about what I don't want to take into the next year, I don't want to be scared, negative, mean, depressed, lazy, impatient or unkind. I do want to be positive, proactive, hard working, generous, active, energised, focused and loving.

New Year New Me

I am starting a 14 day cleanse tomorrow. It better work.

In Vogue: The Editor's Eye Trailer

We are going over to a friends to watch this soon. Looks good to me.

Demand A Plan to End Gun Violence

Friends

'Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.'
Anais Nin

AA Related Announcements

Keep your hopes high and your expectations low.

Moon Rise

The last full moon of 2012 rose over the ocean this evening.

I walked along the shore until it got dark

Sunset

There is nothing brighter than a setting sun, at least that's what I tell myself these days when I look in the mirror. Carine Roitfeld on ageing said that the thing to do was stand further back from the mirror or maybe it was Ines De La Fressange who said it? Anyway which ever chic French woman came up with the strategy its a good one.

Things I Miss About London Part 1

The Rain
The Cold 
Stella
Macaroons

American Horror Story - Season 1

Richard and I have just watched the whole series. It's hilarious and largely in extremely bad taste.

AA Related Announcements

You cannot turn a pickle back into a cucumber.

The Open Country Of A Woman's Heart

'Exhibiting its internal communications and the facilities and dangers to travellers therein.'
D. W Kellog

Turned Out Nice Again

I have cheered up, here is a pictograph of things I love.
1. Blue skies

2. Laying in the sun

3. Stray cat

4. Salad

You Cannot Be Too Small Or Too Mean

Lovely article on the joy of small dogs by Tama Janowitz

Loosing It

Burst into tears trying to figure out my MA essay, I am failing. Its complicated, I hate it, its confusing but I feel like I have to do it and as though if I don't do it then I am just proving myself to be a total waste of space.

Reasons I will Never Be Thin Part 1

Mac & Cheese. We had lunch at Balans  and then went to see Hitchcock which was a pretty good movie actually. Its not very warm today.

The Writing Is On The Wall

Openminded & Experimental

It's amazing how quickly one can adapt to luxury. Tonight I was invited for dinner in this amazing apartment on the same island as The Standard Hotel. I love this chair it would bring the ceiling down if I put one up in my flat at home.

The Tempest

Hell is empty and all the devil's are here.

A Little More Of What You Like

This time I had Blueberry flavour frozen yogurt - even better.

I Have Tried In My Way To Be Free

There were 3 rows of Jay Birds hanging on the wires across 15th Street this evening. It reminds me of St Giles and Eddy's pigeons.

Breakfast

Sitting on the step feeding Stray Cat this morning, I need to get the cats some more biscuits. They sell just massive containers of it now in Publix I am not sure I could carry it home in the heat. I have attracted a new pet in the form of a Mosquito that has eaten me during the night. I hope he is drunk on my blood because if I see him I am going to kill him. J'accuse Richard of allowing him in last night while smoking on the porch like Big Daddy Clampit.

Betty Blue Piano Scene

I loved Betty Blue when I was younger and crazier it at least suggested that there may be a worthwhile aesthetic in going totally mad, not that the power of choice lay within me at that point.

One Woman One Bowl

It is a little reminiscent of '2 girls 1 cup' if you have not watched it then maybe don't bother. This is the most divine acai (yet another superfood name I can't pronounce) crunch bowl from Apple A Day whole food cafe on Alton Road. The servings are so big and they give me so much pleasure ( yes I should get a life but I am on holiday ) its unreal because it is actually just berries blended with low fat frozen yogurt. I was eating fries with Ryan and Richard later on and they give me so much pleasure too but they came with such a side order of guilt and shame ... tomorrow I am sticking to my diet.

Anything Goes

When I was a tour guide at Highgate Cemetery they told us that IHS an insignia that appears on tombstones means Jesus Hominum Salvatore (Jesus Savour (of) Man) or I Have Suffered. They never could explain why Jesus began with and I and not a J but as I am sure you know its pointless arguing with religious people. Here we see the rainbow flag that symbolises the start of the Miami Beach gay section. On top is a crow, it was yelling its head off. Of course when I tried to take it's picture it cleared off like all wildlife do when they see a camera.

A Deeper Shade Of Blue

The hottest day so far at the beach, the sea was a dark dark blue. I walked all the way to the Northern most point of the beach.

Lots of men said Hello to me, I kind of wish they wouldn't I am never quite sure what they want. Its not  that in principle I mind passing the time of day with people it's maybe just trust issues. So when someone (male) says, 'Hi, are you from Europe?' I assume that they are thinking that I am looking for some stranger to have sex with and say 'No'

Idee Fixe

Breakfast, lunch and dinner for ever (except really I had a bagel with cream cheese and tomato and an apple.) I weigh 126 pounds maybe slightly more as I rounded it down because I was carrying my keys. I want to weight either 120 or 115. 

Sounds Easy Enough

Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls - Khalil Gibran

But Loosing Everything ....

I stayed all day to watch the sunset, it was wonderful although remarkable f**king difficult to get a bit of privacy, I found one quite spot and a group of people sat beside me ! I could have reached out and punched touched the nearest woman. So I moved away and found another spot, moments later a couple of trashy thai girls started taking 'Sport Illustrated' type shots of each other against the ocean. Obviously the shots were destined for some mail order bride site, I tried to ignore them. I am aware that it is a sign of my own instability that I can get extremely pissed off even in a paradise situation. I couldn't ignore them so I moved again, finally everyone clears off and I can trance into a blur of pink mist where the boundaries of sand, sea and sky merge into heavy pulsating existence and I disappear.

I Am Going Green

Used up the last of my Clarins today. Tomorrow I am trying out a Green People suntan lotion so lets see how that goes. Richard was saying we should have a 'tanometer' that measures our tanning progress like the 'clapometer' from Opportunity (Melanoma) Knocks.

Overcast

Don't let one cloud obliterate the whole sky - Anais Nin 

Lunch

Yes I am eating carbohydrates this week. I am obsessed by these black bagels called Pumpernickel they have some funky herb in them like Rye bread. You could probably get them in London in St John's Wood or somewhere. I will walk the length of the beach to burn it off. The pleasure pleasure principle.

Tell Me Some Lies

I have my favourite American product in the fridge, Indian River Grapefruit Juice. This product used to make all kind of claims about weight loss on the label, hence me buying it. Now it doesn't do that but it says things like 'Gluten Free' and 'No Animal Fat' which is bizarre because that really ought to be the basic minimum qualification for a citrus fruit. Since when (even in America) did any one create hybrid Grapefruit made from wheat and meat products?

I Am Not A Slave To A God That Don't Exist

I was working out to my Pilates DVD this morning. Darcy Bussell who I loathe uses Chopin, I like  Chopin but I am more in a Manson frame of mind. I think Manson would make a good boyfriend except that he is drug addict and shagging drug addicts has never worked out well for me.

Mariko Mori Winter Solstice Installation

Obviously

No guns 

No shootings 

Simple

Decorations

We have created an attractive seasonal display in the apartment.

Infidele

After just 2 afternoons my tan is well underway. Although I was the colour of a milkmaid when I got on the plane - normal service will soon be resumed. The nail varnish is by Chanel and called Infidele - I chose it for the name of course.

Green For Go

The beach was so wonderful today. I realise that it has its own micro climate. Sometimes when I look at the sky it seems overcast and yet by the ocean it is always warm and sunny. I spent 3 days staying home because I thought it would not be worth going down to the sea, I was probably wrong.

A A Related Announcements

Secretary : 'Would you (me) like to close the meeting using The Lords Prayer?'
Me 'No'

That better not be a rain cloud

All I have to do is get myself stuck in a contained environment with a whole lot of other people and I become entirely eugenicist if not xenophobic.  I am writing this on BA209 London to Miami. The food they have the audacity to serve wouldn’t get handed out in Dade County. Most of the other passengers are elderly, infirm or unwashed with an uncanny ability to produce mucous.  The lengths I have to go to in order to escape the British winter. There were 20 wheel chairs and assistants waiting for plane in Miami. I am not joking when I tell you I was one of the few people able to leave the plane totally unassisted. I guess people come here to die ,which is appealing enough but can they not just settle down and await their fate? 

Goodbye For Now

Stray Cat came for her last bowl of biscuits just now. My case is packed. I am about to put my computer away and go a meet Ryan downstairs for my ride to the airport. Ryan just messaged me to say he is awake. He has a lot of Virgo in his sign like me he understands .....

Park Life

Had Starbucks in the Opera House park with Ryan. In Starbucks they ask you what your name is so they can call you when your drink is ready. Ryan said 'Cornielius'

Back on Lincoln Road we met one of his friends with a dog in his bike basket. It was a super cute Yorkshire Terrier that let me stroke him and take his picture.

Wood For The Trees

I emailed my friend with my will last night. This morning he wrote back.
"I share you anxiety about travel I have the same thoughts just crossing the city let alone the Atlantic, Be assured I will do everything you have asked me to do in your letter. Could I have some of the insurance money I need a new jacket." I told the meeting about it this morning, we all laughter. I am so lucky to have people that understand the issues I have with perception & fear. It really is such a blessing.

Nature

I had my salad for lunch as usual and a healthy  peanut butter, almond milk & banana shake for breakfast.
This morning I past a dead lizard in the street it broke my heart. I can't stand to see things like that although I know a bird or cat will eat it and the cycle of nature continues. I fed a sparrow and a pigeon some sweetcorn from my lunch which makes me so happy. Stray Cat had another can of Tuna for lunch so she is content as well.

Breaking Even

I am packing my things ready to go home. Here are the three piles of clothing. On the right I have the clothes I have been wearing. To the left is the pile of clothes I was given while here. In the centre are the clothes that I dragged from London, hung up in the closet and repacked unworn. I am getting better at this but there is room for improvement.