Realism

I went deep into the ocean with Ryan on Independence Day. Not deep but pretty far out from the shore. Its very beautiful as the waves are higher than your head as they approach. Its all very blue. I said that I was a little nervous about being the nearest body to the sharks. He gallantly stood a metre ahead of me.
'Now they will get me instead'
I asked if he would mind making a small incision in his leg to be on the safe side.
He told me that sharks are more likely to be in the bay which is just a mile up the coast by South Point because there is more food there. He said that they feed at dawn and at dusk. I asked if he would stand where we were standing at dawn.
'Absolutley not, NO'

The Promises

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. 
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. 
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. 
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. 
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. 
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away. 
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. 
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. 
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. 
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Richard was telling me about hearing a well known comedian sharing in a meeting about his past. He said he was the 'anti promises'

• Where there is peace I shall bring discord 
• Where there is hope I shall bring doubt 

I said that I could totally relate to that, he said Yes but he was stilling using at the time.

Just sometimes I'm wondering why shouldn't I leave?

Two more sleeps in Miami. I feel pretty excited to be going home but the thought of travel makes me nervous. Also the thought of returning to my life of responsibility (not that I have ever taken any) doesn't thrill me either.

My concerns in no particular order.

• What if its raining and stormy and the plane is delayed or cancelled?
• What if Virgin are even worse than they were on the way here?
• It will be cold and overcast at Heathrow
• The flat will be a mess
• I have to train Stella to hunt and kill
• I have to get a new income stream
• I need to sort out my appearance

I lack strength and direction.

Divine

Don't worry I am not back on the piss! I was searching for an image of a champagne fountain and I couldn't find a decent one so I decided to illustrate this post with Angelina instead. While I have not managed to write so much as a cheque since I have been here, I have been reading.  I was reading a book called The Mystical Qabalah by Dion Fortune. Its an interesting book as she demystifies some complex notions concerning God and the universe etc. Anyway what struck me as genius were two things; firstly, she decribed the universal relation to the supreme God as being like a champagne fountain where the energy flows downwards through the higher levels into the lower, an analogy I adore. Shortly after she quoted another author who said that God is Pressure. I just love it.

Peace will come, let it begin with me

It has been raining for hours now. All last night even in my dreams I was aware of the crashing storms outside. The noise of the air conditioner, the swish of the over head fan (very Jacobs Ladder) and the rain lashing on the roof brought me in and out of conciousness as I slept. It feels really peaceful here today though. I am alone and I have no intention of leaving the apartment except to get lunch for me and my stray cat. I am going to attempt to actually write something longer than a paragraph today. I have not managed to do any proper writing since I got here which is a little disappointing because its one of the reasons I came.

Shakespears Sister - Stay

Pretty on the inside

One thing I noticed in American pharmacies that I have never seen at home are entire shelf area's dedicated to Douche products and a arsenal of sister products designed to help you keep your vagina (or whatever you are using instead of one) fresh.  I am not sure why regular bathing is not considered proactive enough to keep body odours at bay.

Anyway I thought I would make a couple of purchases and give them a try. I read the instructions on the Douche pack for a pussy that smells like an Ocean Breeze All you have to do is open one of the two disposable soft bottles, attach nozzle (those familiar with home hair dye will be good at this) insert and squirt the contents, (which smell like fucking Harpic by the way) into your vagina. What stopped me having a go was that it didn't say anything about how one would go about getting it out. I assume they think nature and gravity (gods ugly little twins) will take over at that point but since its getting late and I don't want to be up all night mopping bathroom cleaner off my thighs I thought I would delay the pleasure until another time.